I think there is a fine line between confidence and cockiness. How do you portray confidence without seeming stuck up?
That is where my whole problem with self love began. In high school, I didn't want to become one of those people who thought they were better than everyone else. Who treated others like crap because they believed so. I despised that and I still do. And I took it too far. I wouldn't allow myself to believe that I was good at anything. That I was anything special or worth while. And it stuck.
I've been trying to change my way of thinking and man, it's hard! Especially on days when it seems I fail at everything. I know comparison is the thief of joy. I'm trying to stop it. Try, try, try and try again.
But, there are some things I will say I'm good at:
1. Exercise. I love it. I don't let a physical challenge stop me from trying something new. It may intimidate me but I know, with practice, I get stronger. Being physically strong makes me happy.
2. Baking. I make really good desserts. And it's a good thing I enjoy doing what is mentioned above.
3. I try hard to get a home cooked meal on the table every night.
4. I'm loyal.
And that's all I've got folks. Someday, I may see more in myself but, like Bob said, "Baby steps."
Friday, June 15, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
A Joyous Occasion
We had Luke blessed on June 10th in Malad. We decided on our home town because it was most convenient for everyone.
I was determined to have at least one child that did not cry during their blessing. Porter screamed bloody murder. I didn't hear one word of his blessing and, to this day, it still makes me sad. Cameron didn't start crying until the end of his. Luckily, I could still hear what was being said. So, with Luke, I did something that would probably get me in trouble with a pediatrician. I put a couple drops of agave nectar on Luke's binky. It totally worked! Sometimes, you just have to break the rules.
He looked so handsome in his outfit!
I was determined to have at least one child that did not cry during their blessing. Porter screamed bloody murder. I didn't hear one word of his blessing and, to this day, it still makes me sad. Cameron didn't start crying until the end of his. Luckily, I could still hear what was being said. So, with Luke, I did something that would probably get me in trouble with a pediatrician. I put a couple drops of agave nectar on Luke's binky. It totally worked! Sometimes, you just have to break the rules.
He looked so handsome in his outfit!
Pictures with mom and dad.
Our family
It was a perfect day! I'm so thankful for my boys, my loving husband and that they are mine forever.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Catch Up
Man. I miss blogging! You think I would be able to find the time. I mean, all I did was have another kid. ;)
I wrote the above over a week ago. See what I mean.
It's so nice to have Porter out of school! He, however, does not feel the same. He doesn't say it, but I can tell he gets pretty bored . We've been doing a reading rewards system and he has loved that. He gets to pick out a prize next time we go to the store for filling up his jar with beans.
The laundry is never ending! Before Luke arrived, I did laundry once a week. It worked. I can no longer get away with that. Three times a week is now the average and something I didn't used to mind has turned into a dreaded task.
I don't think it will actually hit me until the day of that my sister, Michelle, is getting married. It still seems so weird to me!
Porter lost his first tooth a few weeks ago. He was so excited!
My Grandpa Stayner, with Luke, on Mother's Day. My Grandpa loves babies and is so good them. And I just love this picture!
Is this not the cutest pout?
I wrote the above over a week ago. See what I mean.
It's so nice to have Porter out of school! He, however, does not feel the same. He doesn't say it, but I can tell he gets pretty bored . We've been doing a reading rewards system and he has loved that. He gets to pick out a prize next time we go to the store for filling up his jar with beans.
The laundry is never ending! Before Luke arrived, I did laundry once a week. It worked. I can no longer get away with that. Three times a week is now the average and something I didn't used to mind has turned into a dreaded task.
I don't think it will actually hit me until the day of that my sister, Michelle, is getting married. It still seems so weird to me!
Porter lost his first tooth a few weeks ago. He was so excited!
Is this not the cutest pout?
Well, that's all for now. I hope to be on here more often. Life with three boys is a whole lot of crazy!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Feeling Fine
I find it absolutely amazing that I have not had one bit of anxiety since having my third child. I had plenty of it before he arrived. I've always heard it's the hardest to go from two to three kids. After John went back to work, I was fully expecting the anxiety attacks to come. They didn't. Not a single one. This is such a miracle to me. A tender mercy. I'm fine. I'm happy. I know that my Father loves me and he knows what is best for me. And even with a NICU bill due to arrive soon, life is good. Very good.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
The Unexpected Part 2. NICU
I'm sure most women don't expect they will ever have a baby in the NICU. I know I never did.
Shortly after Luke was cleaned up and they gave him back to me, I knew something was wrong. He kept moaning. I looked at John and told him something wasn't right. When the nurse came back she could hear Luke. It was clear by the look on her face that she was concerned. His chest was contracting and he was having difficulty breathing.
They took him and a few hours later he was admitted to the NICU. It was later that evening when I finally got to go see him. It was a sad sight. All the tubes and monitors where overwhelming and I couldn't stay long. I handled it surprisingly well, due to prayer and priesthood blessings. It was almost 48 hours before I finally got to hold him again!
The nurses were amazing! We had two imparticular that we just loved. Both of them told us that they requested taking care of Luke. Talking with them was effortless and they always put me at ease when I came to see him. They made a little sign for the room he was in.
Porter and Cameron were so excited to see their baby brother! They could only see him through glass and that was hard for Porter. He was pretty worried about Luke.
Luke was in the NICU for 6 days. I did the hotel stay at the hospital. Even though we only live five minutes away, I couldn't bring myself to leave while he was still there. His lungs recovered well. He never had any setbacks in that area. It was so good to finally bring him home!!
They took him and a few hours later he was admitted to the NICU. It was later that evening when I finally got to go see him. It was a sad sight. All the tubes and monitors where overwhelming and I couldn't stay long. I handled it surprisingly well, due to prayer and priesthood blessings. It was almost 48 hours before I finally got to hold him again!
The nurses were amazing! We had two imparticular that we just loved. Both of them told us that they requested taking care of Luke. Talking with them was effortless and they always put me at ease when I came to see him. They made a little sign for the room he was in.
Porter and Cameron were so excited to see their baby brother! They could only see him through glass and that was hard for Porter. He was pretty worried about Luke.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Expect the Unexpected. Lukes Arrival! Part1
You all know I was so done being pregnant. I was certain my new boy would come early. However, not 3 weeks early!
It started at 5:30 AM on March 27th. I had just used the bathroom and went back to bed. A few minutes later I thought, "Wow, my bladder is weaker than I thought." I was totally peeing my pants. Or so I thought. The minute I stood up, I knew this was different. My water broke. I stood in the bathroom with a million thoughts running through my mind. My bag isn't packed. Who should I call first? He's coming too early! I had so much planned for the coming week! There's still stuff that needs to get done! I think you get the picture.
I called John. He had just arrived at work when I phoned. I told him to come home fast. But not too fast for I didn't want him to die in a car accident and leave me alone with three boys. Worry much?
My mom was up next. The first thing I said to her was, "What's it like when your water breaks?" I KNEW this was what had happened but I was still in shock and somewhat in denial, even as liquid dripped down my legs.
As luck would have it, my sister, Hilary, was in Logan. She had come the day before with one of her friends and they stayed in a hotel that night. My mom called her and they came right over so John and I could head to the hospital. Such a blessing!
We arrived at the hospital around 7 AM. It was quite obvious my water broke. I had a sudden gush walking into the hospital. "John, it won't stop! I can't make it stop! Crap." I started to laugh. I was laughing all the way to my delivery room. I'm sure the nurses thought I was a basket case.
And, then, we waited. And waited some more. I was bored. I tried reading but after realizing I had gone over the same paragraph multiple times, I gave up. The monitor was showing contractions coming 2-5 minutes apart. I was feeling them but wasn't in any pain.
Finally, around noon, things started picking up. Contractions were getting uncomfortable. An hour later I was starting to wish for pain relief. Why, again, did I choose to do this natural?! Oh, yeah. Recovery. So much faster! I had to keep reminding myself of this.
At 2 PM I wanted him out. They called in a nurse to help me with my breathing. I had been doing well on my own until that point but, somehow, I lost focus and started to hyperventilate. And the weirdest thing happened. My arms went numb. My hands looked like someone who had severe arthritis. It freaked me out and I still have no idea why it happened. John was on one side, the nurse on the other. Both rubbing my arms and hands and reassuring me I was doing good. My doctor finally arrived, I pushed four times and my baby boy entered the world at 2:30 pm. He weighed 7 lbs 6 oz and was 19 inches long.
It started at 5:30 AM on March 27th. I had just used the bathroom and went back to bed. A few minutes later I thought, "Wow, my bladder is weaker than I thought." I was totally peeing my pants. Or so I thought. The minute I stood up, I knew this was different. My water broke. I stood in the bathroom with a million thoughts running through my mind. My bag isn't packed. Who should I call first? He's coming too early! I had so much planned for the coming week! There's still stuff that needs to get done! I think you get the picture.
I called John. He had just arrived at work when I phoned. I told him to come home fast. But not too fast for I didn't want him to die in a car accident and leave me alone with three boys. Worry much?
My mom was up next. The first thing I said to her was, "What's it like when your water breaks?" I KNEW this was what had happened but I was still in shock and somewhat in denial, even as liquid dripped down my legs.
As luck would have it, my sister, Hilary, was in Logan. She had come the day before with one of her friends and they stayed in a hotel that night. My mom called her and they came right over so John and I could head to the hospital. Such a blessing!
We arrived at the hospital around 7 AM. It was quite obvious my water broke. I had a sudden gush walking into the hospital. "John, it won't stop! I can't make it stop! Crap." I started to laugh. I was laughing all the way to my delivery room. I'm sure the nurses thought I was a basket case.
And, then, we waited. And waited some more. I was bored. I tried reading but after realizing I had gone over the same paragraph multiple times, I gave up. The monitor was showing contractions coming 2-5 minutes apart. I was feeling them but wasn't in any pain.
Finally, around noon, things started picking up. Contractions were getting uncomfortable. An hour later I was starting to wish for pain relief. Why, again, did I choose to do this natural?! Oh, yeah. Recovery. So much faster! I had to keep reminding myself of this.
At 2 PM I wanted him out. They called in a nurse to help me with my breathing. I had been doing well on my own until that point but, somehow, I lost focus and started to hyperventilate. And the weirdest thing happened. My arms went numb. My hands looked like someone who had severe arthritis. It freaked me out and I still have no idea why it happened. John was on one side, the nurse on the other. Both rubbing my arms and hands and reassuring me I was doing good. My doctor finally arrived, I pushed four times and my baby boy entered the world at 2:30 pm. He weighed 7 lbs 6 oz and was 19 inches long.
John, cutting the cord.
First time with mom
Getting cleaned up
More of the story to come....
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