Rollin' and Snifflin'

I feel crappy. I've had a head cold since Thursday. I can feel it getting better but that last little bit  doesn't want to let go. Needless to say, no church today.

I made Cinnamon Rolls the other day. For the most part, they turned out good. I had one pan (thank goodness it was only one and I didn't give that pan away) that just didn't bake. Seriously, they were sooo doughy and just gross. I don't know how that happened. The rest baked up beautifully!

Ready to go in the oven.

Done!

Anyway, I'm going to rest, have a cinnamon roll and try to kick the last of this cold. I used Pioneer Woman's cinnamon roll recipe.  Make them. The end.

Four is Fabulous!

Mr. Cameron turned four yesterday. He was pretty excited but I think Porter was even more so.

We opened presents before we went to dinner at one of Cameron's favorite places, Texas Roadhouse. We had our friends, The Mikkelsens, join us. Cam even got up on the birthday saddle. He looked so dang cute!

After dinner, we had his cake. He was more interested in the Mystery Machine on top than actually eating cake.

 I say it every year, "How on earth are you already___ years old ?!" Please, let me rewind the tape. Turn back the clock.

I love this kid so much. I love his goofy, cheesy smiles. The way he cuddles up with me, gives me a big hug and lingers there, so I can take in the last smell of baby that's left.

Ramblings

1. Based on my last post, I may have lead some of you to believe that I'm always sad and depressed. I assure you I'm not. I don't hate life.  I have my days like anyone else.

2. It really stinks sitting down on an ice cold toilet seat.

3. A miracle happened. I actually enjoyed myself at Activity Days last week. :)

4. I never get sick of watching  How To Train Your Dragon. Love it! I wanted to be Astrid for Halloween but I can never convince myself to spend the time and money on a costume.

5. I recently had chicken and wild rice soup from Great Harvest and I can't stop thinking about it. Who wants to go to lunch?

6. Lately, I can't seem to get enough pita chips and hummus. MMMMMM.

7. I need to get all the baby clothes out and find out what I need. I'm so glad I didn't get rid of them! I came close, last winter, when we were going through closets and throwing things out.

8. I do not understand sibling rivalry.  I'm constantly asking John, "Did you and your brothers act like this? Is this what it's like having a sibling close to you?" Being an only child for nine years, yeah, didn't have that.

9. You can read this post, if you don't know the reason for the huge space between my siblings and I.

I Just Don't Know.....

So, I knew this whole word of the year thing was not going to be easy. I knew this was going to be a challenge. But I like a challenge. I think?

I find it the hardest to love myself. I knew this would be the case. I just don't know how to do it. I don't know how to give myself a break.  Can I truly love others when I see myself as worthless? How will my sons learn to be confident and strong when I am not? I don't want them to end up like me!! I'm not fishing for compliments. I'm being completely honest. I don't know how to go about this. Where to start? How does one overcome years of destructive/negative thinking about ones self?

I know I don't want to be this way any longer. I want to be able to make mistakes and forgive myself. I want to be comfortable in my own skin.

 Please, don't feel sorry for me. I'm not looking for that. I don't want that. This is just one of the many struggles I have to go through. This is going to be a journey and, I expect, a long one.

Black Bean Soup

Don't judge this soup by it's appearance. It is delicious. At least we think so at our house. Cameron even gobbles it up. And that is a big deal!

Black Bean Soup

1 Tbs olive oil
3/4 cup diced carrots (about 2 medium carrots)
3/4 cup diced celery (about 1 rib)
1 cup diced onion
4 large cloves garlic, roughly chopped
2 15oz cans black beans, rinsed and drained
1 3.5 oz can diced green chilies
2 15 oz cans low sodium beef broth
1 tsp kosher salt
1/8 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp chili powder
1/4 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp dry oregano leaves
1 bay leaf
1 lime, juiced

1. Heat olive oil in a large stockpot over medium heat. Add carrots, celery, onion and garlic and saute for 4-5 minutes

2. Add the black beans, chilies and beef broth. Stir to combine and then add the salt, pepper, chili powder, cumin, oregano and bay leaf. Simmer uncovered for about 20-25 minutes or until carrots are tender. Remove from heat. Remove bay leaf from soup.

3. Transfer the soup to a blender. Place lid on blender but remove the stopper in the lid to let heat escape. Cover the hole with a cloth or paper towel to avoid splatters.

4. Puree' soup until desired consistency is reached. Add the lime juice and pulse to combine.

Note: If you want less kick, leave out the chili powder. It's a little too much for my boys, so I leave it out. I grate fresh parmesan cheese on top. Yummo!

Our Christmas. Finally!

It was a great Christmas. Low key, relaxed and perfect.

The boys and I chilled on Christmas Eve while John went out to do last minute shopping. He does it every year. :) We watched Christmas movies, made Santa cookies and opened the traditional new pj's that night. The boys had never been so eager to go to bed! All we had to tell them was that Santa wouldn't come until they were asleep.  Here they are in their new jammies.

Christmas morning, John woke us all up at 6:30. He's still a kid on Christmas. I love it.  Cameron was hilarious this year. "WHOA! WOW! LOOK AT THAT!" He was going a mile a minute as he went through his stocking and Santa presents.



Checking out the sockings.

Santa hides new movies in the tree.

                                                My boys. There will be one more next year!

                              Looking a little too grown up in their new church clothes.

I hope you all had a great Christmas!

Here's to 30!

My 30th birthday was yesterday. I haven't been dreading it. Mainly because I've had so many people tell me that the 30's are way better than the 20's. And I'm holding onto that! The last five years of my twenties have been hard. I'm ready for new beginnings.

It was a pretty boring day. Not complaining! I had Book Club last night, which is always fun and the highlight of my month. I get to celebrate with John today! We'll do lunch and then see Sherlock Holmes tonight.

When Porter found out how old I was, he just looked at me, dumbfounded, and said, "Whoa, that's a lot!"
Cameron crawled up on my lap, sneezed and said, "Oops. I got snot on you. Happy Birthday, Mom!"

My thirties ARE going to be great! I don't expect to not have hard times, but I do expect I will grow up  more and learn a lot along the way. Bring it!

One Year. One Word.

I've intended to post about our Christmas. But something else has been on my mind. Something I can't shake.

My friend, Tawnya, is a genius. On her blog, she wrote about how she chose to focus on one word throughout the year instead of a list of resolutions. I LOVE this!! I've never been one for the whole resolution thing. I would do it. I would make my list and then forget about it in a month (or sooner!) It would leave me feeling overwhelmed and frustrated because there was so much I wanted to do/be and I just couldn't pick one thing to focus on. I felt like I had to do it all at once.

But ONE word. There are so many words! How could I chose just one? I've thought and thought about what my word should be. What is it that I need most, right now?

LOVE

That is my word. Love in thought, word and deed.  More love for others, my Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ and (the one that scares me most) learning to love myself. If I could win an award for being hard on myself, I would win gold. Several times over.

I'm scared. I've thought about other words but love keeps coming back. It's the one. It's already challenging and I wonder how I'm going to do it. I wonder how I will change?