So, I knew this whole word of the year thing was not going to be easy. I knew this was going to be a challenge. But I like a challenge. I think?
I find it the hardest to love myself. I knew this would be the case. I just don't know how to do it. I don't know how to give myself a break. Can I truly love others when I see myself as worthless? How will my sons learn to be confident and strong when I am not? I don't want them to end up like me!! I'm not fishing for compliments. I'm being completely honest. I don't know how to go about this. Where to start? How does one overcome years of destructive/negative thinking about ones self?
I know I don't want to be this way any longer. I want to be able to make mistakes and forgive myself. I want to be comfortable in my own skin.
Please, don't feel sorry for me. I'm not looking for that. I don't want that. This is just one of the many struggles I have to go through. This is going to be a journey and, I expect, a long one.
It's so, SO difficult to grow up, no? I wish nothing more than if you could see yourself the way others do. But I think that can be said for many. My friend Kim is dealing with this, this year as well. Here's her blog: http://prairiemama.com/
ReplyDeleteI think serving others, though you don't feel like you can and loving others, though you wonder is the best place to start. "Lose yourself and go to work". Through service and love toward others is where we can truly see our divine-ness. That we are more than our mistakes and our strength and our bodies and our thoughts - all of which can and will fail us. But our service and love toward others never will.
I know you don't want compliments, but you are an amazing woman and I'm honored to be able to call you friend and watch this unfold.
I love what Tawnya said, "Lose yourself and go to work"
ReplyDeleteI pray SO hard to love myself and be easier on myself. I really struggle with this as well. I am so critical of myself and therefore, of other people sometimes. I demand too much of myself. My Mom said to treat myself as I would my children when they mess up (because we ALL do and often), "It's okay, sweetie, I know you didn't mean to. I know you can do better." I know that is what our Moms would say to us.
I echo what Tawnya said as well. I don't know you as well as she does, but EVERY time I have been with you I have enjoyed your company and felt like a better person because I know you. You are wonderful :) Keep striving and progressing from day to day and from year to year -- that is what I'm trying to do. I hope to look back one day and see that I have learned to love myself.
I'm already considering LOVE for my word next year. It would be good for me in LOTS of ways.
i love/hate this post. Love because I totally identify and hate because it totally sucks to not love yourself. I don't have any words of wisdom. My counselor said to "cut yourself some slack and find things to compliment yourself on" without the negative. Learn to accept compliments from yourself---- wicked hard. at least for me it is. Like- "hey I got *one* load of laundry washed" and considering that an accomplishment rather than adding the "but the 27 other loads just make me want to cry and I haven't touched them". Thanks for your honesty though- I truly cherish that.
ReplyDeleteBrave indeed.
OK, here's my two cents! Struggled with this for YEARS. Best thing I ever did, and still have to remind myself to do, is stop expecting too much. I wrote a post on it 5000 years ago. it's here: http://thoughtsandthensome.blogspot.com/2010/02/8020-rule.html
ReplyDeleteDon't know if it will help. Hope it does. And it's only the middle of January so you've got plenty of time to improve! No pressure!