One Year. One Word.

I've intended to post about our Christmas. But something else has been on my mind. Something I can't shake.

My friend, Tawnya, is a genius. On her blog, she wrote about how she chose to focus on one word throughout the year instead of a list of resolutions. I LOVE this!! I've never been one for the whole resolution thing. I would do it. I would make my list and then forget about it in a month (or sooner!) It would leave me feeling overwhelmed and frustrated because there was so much I wanted to do/be and I just couldn't pick one thing to focus on. I felt like I had to do it all at once.

But ONE word. There are so many words! How could I chose just one? I've thought and thought about what my word should be. What is it that I need most, right now?

LOVE

That is my word. Love in thought, word and deed.  More love for others, my Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ and (the one that scares me most) learning to love myself. If I could win an award for being hard on myself, I would win gold. Several times over.

I'm scared. I've thought about other words but love keeps coming back. It's the one. It's already challenging and I wonder how I'm going to do it. I wonder how I will change?

Thoughts

  "If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back."

I've thought about this the past couple of days, as we've celebrated a holiday where we focus on our blessings and what we are thankful for. As for me, this quote rings true.

On this here blog, I've made known my problems and struggles. I've decided to just let it all out. Good or bad? I don't know. But I do know it's great therapy. :) I could think of so many other problems I could have in my life and realize mine are not so bad. Sure, they're no piece of cake. I sometimes curse them. But I believe in my Savior. I know he gives us trials because he loves us.

And so, I am thankful for my struggles. I am glad I know the bitter so I can taste the sweet. I'm thankful for the experience of a betrayal so deep and heartbreaking . I'm thankful for a long season of loneliness, so that I know how deeply I need friends/others. I've been broken down so I can be built back up. Slowly. One little piece at a time.

It's Going To Be Okay.

I always seem to find random quotes on pieces of paper when I doing a really deep clean. I was going through one of my drawers yesterday and found this:

"It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us.....If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of his blessings, He will hear our prayers." -Gordon B. Hinckley

I had this on my wall in college and I read it every morning. It brought me so much peace. It brought the same feeling when I found it. I don't think it was coincidence that I happened to find it at that moment. I was stressing about a lot of things. I was overwhelmed. Reading this reminded me of the truth of those words. As long as I do my part, everything IS going to be just fine. Really, it is.

Be Grateful

The other day I was browsing through the news and saw a sobering statistic. One in six American family's are living in poverty. One in six! I watched a video about one family in particular. This family of five was about to lose everything. Their house, car....everything. The mother lost her teaching job just as her husbands hours got cut back. They can barely feed their children. They made 42 dollars too much to qualify for food stamps.

I found myself feeling a tad guilty. Why? Because I complain about how small our house is. About how we don't have a backyard and we're pretty much stuck where we're at right now. I want more space. I want to move on. And here are these people who are going to lose it all.

As cliche' as it sounds, I have to say it. We are so blessed. We have never had to face losing all we have. We've always had plenty to eat. I can't imagine the stress of trying to find the next meal for your children. Making sure they don't starve. A few years back, John's hours were cut and we did have to strap ourselves but still, we never went without and could still pay our bills.

I know this economic crisis is old news. I know many people have lost homes, jobs and the like but for some reason it hit me hard this time.

I need to be more grateful. I'm so glad that we've never had to go through this and pray we never have to.

I Am Beautiful Because.....

It has come to my attention that there are many of us who feel, well, less than perfect. An impossible feat to achieve but, still, we try. It's been a bad week. And not just for me. Something dirty is in the air making us feel that we are worthless, ugly failures and ruining our perceptions of ourselves.

The other day, while running, I remembered something that I did in college. I started a journal. Not just any journal, but one in which I wrote, every day, something that was beautiful about me. Every entry started with "I am beautiful because....." It was hard at first because I was thinking about the physical. It started out with things like, "I am beautiful because I have nice eyes." Ugh. This was hard. Then it started to be more about the inside and who I was as a person. And let me tell you, it helped. Immensely!

And so, I'm going to start doing this again. It may seem cheesy but right now it's something I need. I'm way to good at being hard on myself. And by doing this I'm hoping there will come a day that I will believe these things that I have written about myself. To see myself as my Father in Heaven, and the people who love and care about me, see me.